


All your faces

by Winterlynne_Norvic



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Andreil, Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Awkwardness, Dark Neil Josten, First Meetings, I actually updated the tags like I said I would, M/M, No meds, Sassy Neil Josten, Wow, barista Andrew Minyard, im queen of the long silences, its my first fanfiction, please read this, some form of, split personality disorder, tagging is hard, twinyards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterlynne_Norvic/pseuds/Winterlynne_Norvic
Summary: an au where The monsters run a coffee shop, Neil is really unlucky, and a lot of people are still alive but for how long nobody knows. Neil lies a lot although no one really notices, and Andrew is going to solve him, but first: Exy, and alarming amounts of sugar.





	1. Freckles and first meetings

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first published fic, and I'd love to hear your comments, a lot of stuff won't make sense at first, but things will slowly unravel. Slow updates, I'm sorry, but I'll try my best. I hope you like it!!

In Neil's defense, he had never wanted to enter the coffee shop with the garish blindingly white and orange decor, the one with the identical short blond baristas and peppy looking Mexican dude. But things didn't usually go in Neil's favor, which was quite apparent after it started pouring rain, and Neil had discovered his umbrella (the spare he kept in his bag for situations like these) was broken. Which pretty much explained Neil’s luck.

 

In favor of not ruining another pair of shoes after just buying these ones (the whole ruining shoes thing was 100% Matt’s fault), Neil walked into the coffee shop.

 

“Hey there!” The Mexican dude greeted him. “Welcome to ZERO GIVEN! What can I get ya?” Somehow the guy had managed to make the coffee shop’s name sound like it was in caps. Even with Dan’s smiles and Matt’s hugs, Neil could never get used to this level of cheer. How could he be so happy working at a _coffee shop?_

 

“A towel?” Neil replied, because even after the quick search of his bag, he had managed to get pretty wet.

 

The guy just laughed like Neil was joking (he wasn't) and started listing things that were popular on the menu. All of them sounded disgustingly sweet and completely unappealing to Neil who had never had a sweet tooth.

 

The guy continued rambling for a bit, although it probably wasn't considered rambling if it was part of your job.

 

Finally Neil decided to get something, mostly because this conversation was making Neil tired (being social definitely was not one of his strong suits.) “I'll have an unsweetened iced tea.”

 

The guy nodded although there was a grimace that he couldn't hide from Neil's trained eyes. He started on Neil's order while Neil tried to pick a safe place to sit. He ended up at a table that was beside the window in the corner that provided a good vantage point of the whole place, and gave him a view of outside. An added bonus was the plug beside him so he could at least wait out the rain by working on some assignments.

 

While Neil waited for his drink, one of the two blond baristas walked in bringing the faint odor of cigarette smoke and more noise than such a small person should be able to make. The short blond barista looked apathetic as he quickly scanned the shop which was empty save for Neil who he promptly ignored.

 

The Mexican barista brought Neil his drink while the short blond stomped around behind the counter making some sugary concoction (Neil had seen at least 5 spoonfuls of sugar already go into the drink)

 

“So what's your name?” The guy had startled Neil out of his staring having not realized he had still been standing there.

 

“Is it normal for you to ask customers for their names?” Neil scanned the guy over, already knowing he wasn't dangerous but double checking never really hurt anyone before. He also learned the guy's name was Nicky, and Neil silently thanked a god he didn't believe in for name tags.

 

Nicky continued to smile with the same cheer he hadn't let slip once since Neil walked in. As Nicky explained his reasoning Neil wondered if it was rude to refuse to tell someone your name, and if Dan would be disappointed in him.

 

“Well, the shop's empty and you looked lonely, plus I was bored so the only logical conclusion was to ask for your name.” Neil just stared at Nicky in confusion. How was asking for his name the logical conclusion? How was it the only conclusion? Why was it even a conclusion in the first place? Oblivious to Neil’s inner thoughts and silent plea to go away, Nicky continued chattering. “I'm Nicky and the guy over there is my cousin Andrew.” The short blond barista—Andrew, Neil's brain supplied for him—had been coming closer as Nicky talked until he was right behind the chattering Nicky. “We don't look related at all right? Well it's because my dad had gone away and—” which is when Andrew had grabbed Nicky by the arm and started dragging him away.

 

Neither of them noticed Neil's panic and alarm when they started speaking in German. “Wait!” Nicky whined. “I was just about to get his name. Andrew, c’mon, he's so pretty though.”

 

Andrew glared at him and with a harsh shut up turned Nicky silent. Nicky was then pulled behind the counter and pushed into the back room which Andrew proceeded to lock to prevent him from returning. When that was finished he turned to Neil who had been left gaping at the scene as it happened.

 

They just stared at each other until he lost interest and went back to making his sugar concoction which Neil estimated to have about 9 to 11 spoonfuls of sugar by now. Neil watched him add chocolate sauce to it before actually starting his own work. This actually went on for a while.

 

The rain refused to let up, Neil’s umbrella was still (shockingly) broken and Neil's phone had died before he had even walked into the shop. This meant Neil actually got some work done for once, managing to complete an essay that was due the next day and some of his numerous math equations.

 

Andrew on the other hand had been playing on his phone the whole time, only stopping to help the occasional customer with surprising civility.

 

The silence was beginning to bore Neil who usually preferred it over the noise of his rambunctious friends. “Can I get another iced tea?” He decided upon saying. Anything else seemed too personal, and Neil's own voice soothed him enough. It helped remind him he existed.

 

Andrew nodded and set to work on making Neil’s tea, and Neil decided he was done with math for the day, and started reading the book he'd been assigned (the Spanish one, because it was due sooner than the one in Japanese.)

 

“Sugar?” Andrew asked.

 

“What?” Neil was surprised to be addressed and missed the question completely while he remarked on it being the first word Andrew had even spoken to Neil despite the long hours they had been sitting here together.

 

“How much sugar?” He repeated, speaking to Neil like he was a toddler in the same apathetic expression he'd been wearing the whole day (Neil didn't believe it at all, but decided he would not want to deal with Andrew if he actually was a toddler.)

 

“Unsweetened, I don't really like sugar.”

 

Andrew held his eyes after Neil finished speaking, and proceeded to dump in a spoonful of sugar into Neil's tea, and another even after (or even because) of Neil's indignant sound of protest.

 

“Why would you do that?” Neil tried very hard to contain his anger but Andrew’s unmovable apathetic face infuriated him more than the sugar he had used to ruin Neil’s tea.

 

“Everything needs sugar.” Andrew flatly informed him, which made Neil throw up his hands in frustration, what was with these people? Neither of the supposed cousins actually had valid reasons for what they did and Neil seemed to continuously be on the receiving end of their non-existent logic.

 

Neil was known in certain circles for his outbursts and bad temper when people pissed him off, he went back to his homework because he didn't want to be forced out into the rain and his anger would be wasted on Andrew anyway.

 

And so the shop fell back into silence once Andrew saw Neil wasn't going to fight him (verbally or physically), it was really quite boring and Andrew quickly lost interest.

 

The silence was surprisingly comfortable, with none of the awkwardness strangers usually had when left alone for any period of time really.

 

Eventually the hum of the coffee machine mixed with the sound of the pouring rain, the taping of Andrews fingers on the screen of his phone and the occasional sound of a page being turned by Neil gave the shop an almost peaceful aura, something neither boys had ever truly known.

 

Neil decided the shop wasn't so bad once you got used to all the orange.

 

Reluctantly, Neil broke the silence. “Can I borrow your phone?”

 

Andrew, being the only other person in here, looked up at Neil with a raised brow, somehow still managing to look impassive.

 

Neil huffed at the non-answer answer and tried to elaborate further. “I need to get home. My phone’s dead and…” he looked around the shop as if to say, _well there is only so many people I can ask._ Meaning Andrew was pretty much his only way not to get soaked.

 

Andrew very much wanted to ignore the auburn haired idiot who didn't like sugar and continue texting Renee about their latest debate topic. This time it was the robot apocalypse courtesy of Andrew who said robots would win and he'd readily let them with a (maniac) smile on his face, his argument being people deserved it, while Renee said he was too “harsh” and humanity deserved a chance at redemption.

 

However his damn interest wouldn't let him just ignore the hopeful(ly gay) idiot.

 

Internally cursing himself, Andrew told Renee they'd chat later, and tossed over is phone like it didn't cost several hundred dollars.

 

Neil caught it easily and typed out Matt's number, and put it to his ear as he waited for Matt to pick up. And waited, and waited. “C’mon Matt, pick up, pick up, pick up.” He didn't pick up the first time, or the second, or the third, and finally Neil gave up on Matt and tried not to look to devastated at the fact he would be running home in the rain.

 

“No luck?” Andrew asked rather redundantly, having witnessed the whole thing.

 

“Yeah.” Neil tried for a casual shrug, but his disappointment was written on his face clear as day. “Seems my roommate’s busy.”

 

Andrew nodded along openly mocking Neil (not that Neil noticed really) as Neil walked over to him and handed Andrew his phone, coming close enough that Andrew could admire his facial features and catch a glimpse of the freckles he hadn't noticed before. ~~_He wanted to count those freckles._~~ “What? No friends to come rescue you from the big bad rainstorm?”

 

This time Neil noticed the lilting mocking sound in Andrew’s voice and scowled at him.

 

He had friends, although this fact continued to surprise him, his only other friends could not be called friends in the light of day and Neil had to stop himself from thinking about them too much. Neil just didn't know any of their numbers even though a variation of this situation had occurred multiple other times, including Neil losing his phone, forgetting it, getting pick pocketed, and getting mugged, which admittedly was the event that finally inspired him to learn Matt’s number.

 

Saying nothing, Neil grabbed his bag and braced himself for the rain, cursing Matt, his umbrella, the rain, and the short problem behind him, only stopping when he heard the ‘wait’ said through gritted teeth. Neil hesitantly turned around to face Andrew.

 

“I'm closing up anyway, want a ride?” And Neil, who as much as he didn't want to ruin another pair of shoes, hesitated at the idea of riding with an almost complete stranger, despite the peace Neil felt around him.

 

So Neil considered. He considered the danger of the small blond boy who could only be a few years older than him. He lifted weights, that much was obvious from the size of his arms. He definitely carried knives in his armbands and possibly in the heavy combat boots he was wearing too, and probably a few other ones hidden on his person (much like Neil himself). Neil was faster, and was well trained so that he could turn Andrew’s own blades against him despite his strength and larger frame. Yet none of this is what finally convinced Neil to accept his offer, as stupid as it is, it was Andrews indifference towards Neil and his answer.

 

“Sure.” Neil said, and Andrew just motioned for Neil to sit back down and wait for him to close up. It took 10 minutes, Andrew was quick and efficient and Neil couldn't help but stare at Andrew’s clearly athletic form.

 

On the way out Andrew grabbed a bag filled with pastries, he offered some to Neil but he silently refused and tried not to laugh at his own thoughts. How did Andrew stay fit eating so much sugar? How did he even eat that much sugar? Neil tried to clear his head and noted things that could be useful as they passed.

 

They walked out through the back of the shop which lead onto a small covered back porch. Only a few cars remained in the parking lot behind the shop, probably belonging to the other workers of the conjoined shops.

 

Andrew was heading toward a black GS, and was already in it by the time Neil decided to sprint for the car. (He was like a cat, he absolutely hated being wet.)

 

Andrew huffed at him it said nothing other than, “Where?” To which Neil replied with a confused look.

 

Andrew sighed internally, long since used to containing his emotions, and repeated himself to Neil slowly as if speaking to a small child. (Although Neil was small enough that he could easily be mistaken for a child. Andrew too, but at least he had some muscle.)

 

“Where is your house?” The _idiot_ at the end of the sentence was heavily implied.

 

Neil seemed to realize something but seemed to overcome it quickly. “The athletes dorm building at palmetto.”

 

Andrew nodded and pulled out of the lot with no further conversation. Neil was not discreet as he stared at Andrew, who had noticed it much to his exasperation.

 

“Staring.” Andrew's voice broke the silence.

 

Neil nodded unconcerned and continue staring.

 

Andrew glanced at him, and asked why. (Why was this ~~beautiful~~ idiot staring at him?)

 

Neil was as unused to the truth as Andrew, who expected everyone to lie, because it truly was all that people did, and maybe Neil sensed this, or maybe he just didn't want to, because for the second time in his life, he told the truth. All while staring unabashedly at Andrew.

 

“Your hair looks fluffy. Like really soft, and I kinda want to touch it. It looks golden in the lights as we pass by, and your eyes alternate between honey and Amber, it's very pretty. Your nose has been broken. At least once. See, there's an odd little bump, mostly unnoticeable because it healed fairly well. You know, I'm sure that if you smiled that you'd have dimples. Why don't you smile?” And both Andrew and Neil wondered if they had gone insane.

 

“You're a pipe dream.” Andrew stated simply.

 

Neil frowned, “I'm real.”

 

Although to Andrew, even Neil seemed unsure of this. They were both unsteady and off balance, Neil's unexpected honesty was weird and off putting, but no one had fallen. Yet.

 

Still, Andrew remained unconvinced, and Neil continued to stare. “I don't care.” Andrew told him, and Neil could say nothing in reply.

 

The remainder of the car ride was spent in silence.

 

“We're here.” Andrew told him, breaking yet another silence, this one much more different than the one before, and filled with something neither could, or would try to name.

 

Neil looked up, broken out of his state of reverie. “Right, yeah. I'll get going then.” But Neil didn't move, and he hadn't stopped staring, so Andrew moved instead. Neil scrambled out of the car after him. “Wh-Where are you going?” Neil stuttered a bit, and he wondered what the hell this guy was doing to him.

 

“I live here.” Andrew said boredly, and continued walking away.

 

“Wait!” Neil called, Andrew didn't. “Can I repay you for the ride?” Which did make Andrew pause.

 

“Your name.” he finally said, and Neil nodded although Andrew couldn't see him, because he was still facing away from Neil.

 

“Neil. Neil Josten.”

 

Andrew inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement, “I hate you.” Andrew told him, in a flat tone that was sincere and true, but at the same time very false.

 

“I thought you didn't care.” Neil had no idea what he was doing, but Andrew didn't respond at all, just gave him a two fingered salute, and walked away, but he heard Andrew repeat I hate you, before walking into the dorm building, leaving Neil standing alone in the parking lot, where he had finally realized it had stopped raining.

 

. . .

 

Neil could hear Matt cursing through the door of their shared dorm. From the smell of things, something was burning.

 

“Matt?” Neil called out.

 

Matt poked his head out of the kitchen door, face flushed and his hair a disaster, not that Neil could judge. “What's up baby bro?”

 

Neil sighed and shook his head at the new pet name but smiled anyway. “Nothing. Hey, what's burning?”

 

Matt cooed when Neil scrunched up his nose at the smell, but had the decency to look sheepish. “Ummmm, possibly some pie. And chicken. And vegetables, maybe some other things.”

 

Neil shook his head in amazement when he surveyed the mess in the kitchen. “Why?” Was all Neil could ask.

 

Matt sighed, “I suck at cooking.”

 

Neil already knew this from personal experience, and tried not to laugh. “I know Matt. And you know too. So why are you cooking?”

 

Matt sighed again. “I wanted to make something for Dan, it's our anniversary, and she's just the best. I wanted to do something special for her, you know? I just love her so much.” Matt looked so close to tears and Neil was trying to not laugh so hard that it hurt.

 

“Dude, if you love her, don't make her eat your food.” Which is why Neil got hit with a dish towel and started laughing so hard that Matt started laughing along with a few tears falling from his eyes.

 

When they finally calmed down (it took a few minutes), Matt looked at Neil like something had finally occurred to him. “What happened to you today?”

 

Neil huffed because he really didn't know what to say, and even if he did he wouldn't share it, but, “I think I found a new coffee shop.” He said, smiling faintly.

 

Matt clapped him on the back, “that's great buddy.”

 

Neil nodded, “Maybe,” he said, “We’ll see.”


	2. Exy obsessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone who left a comment on the last chapter, I'm sorry I didn't get to reply but I've been a bit busy. I would also like to thank Shell_Writes for being an awesome friend and editing this because I seem to be uncapable of doing so myself. She is the best and you all should definitely read her fics!  
> This chapter is a bit shorter I apologize, but it does explain some of what's going to happen and give you an idea of where this is going. Hopefully I have the next chapter out by next week, but no guarantees.

This time Neil chose to enter the shop. Mostly because it was the quietest place he could think of, besides the library, but Neil didn't really like the library so here he was.

Matt and Seth (their other roommate that was barely ever there) were having a video game tournament in their dorm, and Matt had told Dan, who dragged Renee along with her to come watch, and Renee in turn invited Allison. Even if they were all his closest friends, Neil knew he wouldn't get any work done if he stayed.

The shop was blissfully silent and Nicky-less, but sadly, still as blindingly orange. Neil walked up to the counter to get something, and felt a drop of disappointment when he saw the barista wasn't Andrew, but shook it off quickly.

“What would you like?” Not-Andrew asked with none of Nicky's cheer or Andrew's apparent apathy.

Neil scanned the menu quickly, but everything was still as sweet and unappealing as last time. Neil sighed, “an unsweetened iced tea.”

Aaron (that was the other twin's name according to his name tag) nodded, and made his drink without grimacing like Nicky, or adding sugar like Andrew.

He must have been the normal one in the family.

Aaron had told Neil to wait off to the side, but he had finished making his drink quickly and moved on to the next costumer, which was when Neil finally noticed the shop had people in it today.

Some were already sitting at tables, some on the way out, and some standing in line, most likely all preparing to get something full of sugar that they would need an hour of exercise to work off. Neil still failed to see why people liked it here.

Claiming the same table as before, Neil enjoyed the peace and quiet while working on his numerous assignments, only stopping to order another drink, lemonade this time (still with as little sugar as possible) and a sandwich because he didn't think to pack lunch.

Time had passed quicker than Neil thought, and it was 3:00 by the time he had finished one assignment and parts of two others, when Andrew walked in, he was not alone. Behind him were Nicky and Kevin Day.

Kevin Day, the best Exy player to ever walk the earth. Kevin Day, adopted brother to Riko Moriyama, and rumored to have been in relationships with fellow Ravens Thea Muldani and Jean Moreau. Kevin had supposedly broken his hand last year in a skiing accident. Neil knew that wasn't true, Kevin would never have been that careless.

Things began to click in Neil’s head. Shit. If Kevin was here with Exy equipment in hand, that meant this Andrew, was Andrew Minyard of the palmetto state foxes, best goalie in college league Exy.

That meant this was his twin Aaron, and cousin Nicky, both were fairly talented backliners, but with little chance of going pro.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Of course Neil had stumbled into his one obsession, the one he was _not_ _allowed to have._

Neil ducked his head, and tried to remain invisible, something he was surprisingly bad at, no matter what he did. Regardless of that fact, he relaxed his body, slipped his ear buds in, and started going through his homework with the pain all university students had. He made sure to check his phone like a normal person, although he was really using it as an excuse to look around the room and make sure he wasn't being noticed.

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, Neil was noticed. Not by Nicky or Andrew though. It was freaking _Kevin Day_ who walked over to him.

“Neil Josten, right?” He was standing (towering was more accurate, fuck, he was tall) over Neil, talking with an air of someone not used to being wrong.

Neil sighed internally. Kevin had drawn Andrew and Nicky's attention already, Neil had already looked up, so he couldn't pretend he hadn't heard him. That wasn't a normal person type thing to do.

“Yeah.” Neil nodded already filled with dread, and Kevin continued speaking once he got confirmation that Neil was in fact Neil.

“You run track for palmetto. Here on scholarship, best runner in the state, possibly the _best_. I've seen what you can do. I've seen you run those obstacle courses, and the hurdles too. You're good. I also know you run marathons... for _fun_.”

While Kevin talked about things most people wouldn't know unless they actively stalked him, Neil began to break down. He had attracted the attention of Kevin Day. His mom was going to _kill_ him.

The whole point of Neil faking his death was so he could live like a "normal person", and to be a secrete connection for his father, a spy so to speak. Something Neil was fine with compared to other options. Sure, his father had a temper, and he had 18 years' worth of extensive scars to prove it, but his life had been _GOOD_.

He'd been to Germany, Italy, Egypt, France, so many places that it would blow anyone's mind. He could speak half a dozen languages fluently, plus bits and pieces of others. The only thing Neil could NOT do was Exy.

“So,” Kevin Day was still talking. “I want you to come to Exy tryouts next month.”

Neil didn't hesitate, “No.” He could hear Andrew snicker, but Neil's mind didn't stay on him for long, instead he prepared to run.

“What?” Kevin Day was genuinely speechless, and Nicky wasn't bothering to contain his laughter when Andrew pushed him and Aaron into the back room. Neil looked around the shop with a sinking feeling.

It was just him, Andrew and Kevin. The shop had emptied without Neil's notice, leaving him cornered with no witnesses. Shit.

Kevin had launched into a speech trying to persuade Neil to join the team with pure determination and will. Or possibly trying to annoy him into saying yes. Really it was a fifty-fifty chance of either reason.

So while Kevin ranted, Neil took stock of his belongings. He had one laptop, various textbooks and assigned books, a set of headphones that Matt gave him as a gift and his backpack. However his phone was in his jeans pocket, along with his keys, which Neil knew was really all he needed, even though he loathed to leave the headphones behind and disappoint Matt. There really was no choice.

Neil sprinted. No way in hell was he joining any Exy team. Especially not one with Kevin Day on it.

An Exy racquet to the stomach stopped him, and Neil doubled over gasping. Andrew had hit him with an _Exy racquet_ , and Neil hadn't even noticed him swing it. Neil had completely forgotten the fact they were holding Exy equipment in the first place, because he had been too busy trying to look invisible. Fuck. Why did those fake gods hate him so much?

Neil glared at Andrew from where he was on the ground. How had he forgotten about the threat Andrew posed? Neil would be cursing him if he had the breath to.

“Better luck next time.” Andrew grinned a bit manically at Neil, who wanted nothing more than to wipe that smile off his face.

Neil used the arm not holding his stomach to flip Andrew off while telling him to go fuck himself. Needless to say, Andrew was delighted (well, as much as Andrew could be) as he peered down at Neil.

“No,” he paused to give Neil a once over, “but I might fuck you.” He added musingly, and Neil was left stunned while Kevin made a noise of disgust.

“You can't go around hitting people! How is he supposed to play if he can't breathe? Andrew! Andrew, are you even listening to me?!”

Andrew turned his appraising gaze away from Neil to give Kevin a bored stare. “He's still here, isn't he?” That shut Kevin up, and Neil was left to stare at their interesting dynamics. He couldn't tell if they were friends or not.

While Neil's attention began to wander, Kevin and Andrew had a lengthy stare down that lasted at least 3 minutes. Finally Kevin broke, and turned back to Neil who was trying to decide if flight or fight was the right choice here. He didn't end up doing either.

“Come to tryouts.” Kevin commanded.

Neil pretended to think about it, and a lazy smirk appeared on his face, “No, I'm good. I'd prefer to see you guys lose anyway.” And his smirk grew as Kevin got more mad. Silently, he apologized to Dan for saying that, but the dipshit in front of him deserved it.

Neil wanted to antagonize him some more, but Andrew spoke up. “Enough. Go, Kevin, bother some other poor soul with your Exy obsession.”

Kevin tried to protest, but Andrew raised the racquet he was still holding and even with his nonexistent height he managed to look menacing.

Kevin huffed and walked into the back. Presumably to go bother someone else with his Exy obsession.

“Why,” Neil asked, “Does he even want me?”

Andrew turned to stare at Neil, who was still on the floor because he didn't want another Exy racquet swung at him. “He thinks you have potential.”

Neil scoffed although he knew Andrew was telling the truth. “Whatever, it's not like it matters anyway.”

Andrew considered him, but shrugged and said nothing when Neil gave him a challenging stare.

Andrew stepped far enough away from Neil that he felt safe enough to get up, and tried not to stare at Neil as he dusted himself off and tried to fix his disheveled hair. The only thing he did was make it worse. (It also made Andrew want to fix it, but Andrew shoved that feeling away immediately.)

“So, you going to apologize?” Neil said staring pointedly at the Exy racquet still in Andrew's hands.

Andrew stared blankly at Neil. “If I was going to apologize,” he said, testing the weight of the racquet. “I wouldn't have hit you with it.”

And despite everything, Neil laughed.


	3. So cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy? It's longer, that's the only pro I can think of. It's emotional? Does that count??

Neil had just gotten back from his morning run—he still jogged even with track practices everyday—to find Matt lying face down on the couch looking as if he had fallen right back asleep even after most of his cup of coffee that was now cold. Some Disney movie was playing on the TV screen, it looked like Moana (it was one of Matt's new favourites) and one of its numerous musical numbers was being sung by the protagonist.

Neil sighed, rubbing his face as he glanced at the clock.

If Neil didn't wake Matt, he'd be late to his class. Neil stared at the clock some more, sighing again.

“Matt. Matt wake up.” This took a good minute since Matt was a very heavy sleeper, and he never seemed able to shake off the drowsiness until he had 2 cups of coffee.

 

Which meant Neil had to make coffee, not that he minded. He needed a cup himself and Matt needed to get to class so he could do something great one day. Plus the first cup obviously didn't do its job.

 

While Neil made coffee, Matt had gone and gotten dressed, but he still looked like death—an exaggeration as Neil well knew.

Matt took the cup Neil offered him with thanks, and Neil nodded, busy scrolling through his phone and checking messages (something he tried not to do more than once a week).

 

“Some guy came to see you today.” Matt said yawning.

Neil was instantly on alert. “What did he want?” He said cautiously.

Matt shrugged, “I dunno. Said you had some unfinished business.”

Neil's grip tightened on his mug, fingers turning white from his bone crushing grip. “Did he say his name?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, I think it was Kyle? No, Kevin. Noooooo, I dunno man, it's really early in the morning.”

Neil relaxed slightly, trying to loosen his grip on the mug as Matt talked. At least it wasn't anyone unsavory, well, not-not unsavory, but not who he had expected.

“Did he have the number 2 tattooed on his cheek bone?” Matt nodded again and Neil sighed, “yeah. That's Kevin.”

Matt sipped his coffee, “do you know what he wanted?”

Neil groaned, his head hurt even thinking about it. “For me to try out for the Exy team.”

Matt choked on his coffee. “What?” And Neil buried his head in his hands. “He knows you're on the track team, right?”

Neil nodded. “It's how he spotted me in the first place.”

Matt looked confused. “Why though? He must be stupid to think coach would let you go.” Neil shrugged. “No seriously man, you're the best runner in the school! If you were slightly taller you'd beat the hurdlers easily. They're lucky you aren't tall.” Matt tried to ruffle his hair but Neil swatted his hand away laughing.

 

“Hurdlers? Matt I don't think that's the right word!’

Matt shrugged a cheerful smile on his face that dimmed considerably as he thought. “Will you?” He asked.

“Will I what?” Neil said confused.

“Try out. I mean it could be fun. You love Exy anyway. No one would be able to catch up to you once you got the hang of it.”

Neil sighed. “There's no point Matt. I-I can't. I just can't.”

Matt nodded, he knew the feeling like no one else did.

Matt loved Exy too. But he never got to play in a league as a kid because he had been split between his parents, and neither really cared for the blood sport. So Matt boxed instead, and he got a scholarship for it.

“Hey Matt.” Neil broke the silence that had fallen and Matt looked up. “It's 10 minutes to 10.”

Matt was confused for about 2 seconds before remembering his class. He ran about the dorm collecting his stuff, shouting shit as he went out the door running so he wouldn't be late to class.

Neil was still laughing as he prepared for his own day.

 

…

 

Track practice began with the same usual routine. Stretching and yoga, jogging in place and a few relaxed laps to warm up. Then when all this was said and done, practice could begin in earnest.

It was fun to run for himself. To do anything for himself really. He was the best, but that didn't really matter to Neil. Running was his escape. Something he could never do in reality.

Although practice ended at the usual time, Neil felt like it was too short and kept running laps by himself until everyone else was finished in the showers and had emptied out.

He wasn't ashamed of his scars, no that wasn't it. His scars showed he was a survivor, but other people couldn't know that. They would just be reason for pity, and worse, it would attract the wrong kind of attention and questions if people saw how many he had. How _bad_ they all were.

Neil shook off his morbid thoughts and rinsed off the sweat and grime of the day.

Coach Hernandez was waiting for Neil outside the locker rooms. The look on his face was not one that Neil wanted to see. “Look, Josten, Neil. I know you're the best runner in the school. In a few years you will probably be in the Olympics getting a gold medal. But I don't think you enjoy it, boy. Do you remember what I first asked you when you joined this team?” Coach held up his hand when Neil tried to speak.

“I asked why you run. What motivated you. And I remember exactly what you said. You said ‘coach, this is for me. I run because I need to. It's freedom in a world of cages.’ And you may have thought that true, you may still. But it ain't true, not to you. Running is just another gilded cage for you. You may love running, Josten, but you would never have picked this for yourself.”

Neil stared at his coach, his eyes dead and cold and furious all at once. “What are you saying coach?” His voice was hell frozen over. He sounded like he already knew the answer and was daring Hernandez to say it, but dreading it at the same time.

Coach sighed. “You know what I'm saying, boy, go tryout for the Exy team. You know you want to, and I won't stop you. You don't make the team? I'll gladly take you back and pretend this never happened. You do make it, and I'll watch all your games.”

Neil looked at his coach, his expression softening. It wasn't his fault he was messing in things he shouldn't. He didn't know, but he did know Neil loved Exy, and plus, at least Neil would have someone come to his games just for him. That would be nice.

Neil nodded slightly, becoming less guarded. “Thanks, coach.” He said, and even Hernandez could see he looked a little lost.

Hernandez patted him on the back, “think about it, kid.”

Neil nodded again looking a little dazed as he walked back to his dorm.

It didn't last. By the time he reached the dorms, Neil's fury was back, not at coach, but at Kevin for speaking to his coach.

“That fucking bastard.” Neil seethed as he walked in slamming the door closed behind him.

Matt, who I had been sitting at the kitchen table doing homework jumped up in alarm. Neil's rampages were legendary, but never before had Matt seen such rage twisting his friends face.

“Woah, buddy, what happened?” Matt raised his hands in a placating gesture but Neil was fuming.

“That bloody bastard talked to coach and somehow managed to convince him to let me try out for the Exy team.” Neil kicked his backpack and it hit the wall with a dull thud. “He had no right to do that!”

Neil was breaking down and Matt had no idea how to help. Neil's moods were always a little volatile, and the British accent that had suddenly appeared was more than a little distracting to Matt.

Neil stopped mid word, a look of absolute terror before just collapsing onto the couch shaking.

Matt had just watched him go from rage to this shaking ball and couldn't stop from going over to him. “Hey Neil. Neil. Little bro, you're worrying me.”

Neil laughed wetly, but didn't remove his face from where he'd buried it in his knees. Matt didn't know what to do.

“Can I hug you?” He finally asked. He knew Neil wasn't an affectionate person. When Matt had first met Neil he was cold and didn't understand affection or the compassion of others. But he had changed in the months they lived together.

Neil's first year of university had changed him enough he could get mad without fear of being beaten, he could cry without fear of being caught and having cut out of him.

Where he could accept a hug from a friend when he needed it.

“Yeah.” His voice was hoarse, “that would be nice.”

So Matt hugged Neil. He hugged him, a little tighter when he shuddered, and rubbed his back when he shook.

Eventually Neil could pull himself together. He managed to lift his head and wipe his eyes with sleeve covered hands. Matt got him some water, and put on a little kids movie so Neil could return to normal.

“I'm going to try out.” Neil told Matt a while later, his confidence back now. “And I'm going to wreck that bastard's career by becoming a better striker than him.”

Matt turned to Neil, smile in full force. “Want some help with that?”

Neil considered Matt. “You really want too?”

Matt didn't lose his grin. “Hell yeah, man!”

Neil nodded, “Then I guess we have a month to get our shit together before tryouts.”

 

…

 

In theory it was a great idea. But neither had played Exy in a very long time, and being a striker was much different than playing defense. Still, they practiced in almost all their spare time. They gave up sleep and rushed homework, and neither boy minded.

Then Neil's mother called.

“Nathaniel.” Neil's mother greeted him coolly when she appeared on his laptop screen.

“Mother.” Neil nodded back.

“News?” She inquired, Neil sighed looking at the woman who ‘raised’ him.

Mary Hatford was not a large woman, average height, average looking build, and all sharp edges. Especially her knives.

Today her eyes were their real steel gray, just as cutting and cold as everything else, and her hair was its natural red tinted brown that had complimented his father's rich red perfectly when they were still together.

“No hello? How are you? Have you killed anyone lately? I'm surprised mother.”

Mary Hatford was not amused by her son’s good natured demeanor, and she sighed in annoyance. “Nathaniel.” She bit out, “Get on with it.”

Neil sighed again, this wasn't going to go well.

“I suppose father didn't tell you?” The nasty look on her face confirmed it. “No? Of course not. Kevin Day noticed me due to my presence on the track team. He wants me to try out for the Exy team. I spoke about it with father and he decided. Which means Mission directives have changed for the time being, I'm to join the Exy team at palmetto and infiltrate the foxes, father hopes to move up the time table.”

Neil regarded his mother carefully, his past defenses already bleeding through his walls. If Mary Hatford was beside him right now she would have hit him. Or worse. Probably worse.

She settled for yelling. “Nathaniel Abram Wesninski! You idiot child! This is yet another mission you have fucked up. If you aren't careful what happened in and after Marseille will happen again.”

Neil could not listen to his mother any longer. He had already grown cold. His limbs were ice, and he was frozen to his spot unable to move, to feel anything beyond the ice creeping up his spine, the ice taking over his mind. He became cold enough that Nathaniel was out, and Neil was stored away like every other personality he's ever had.

“Stop.” He said. She shut up instantly. Nathaniel was the butcher's son, Abram was hers, Neil had no parents. His mother was scared of Nathaniel. “Father has cleared it. I'm to integrate into the team and keep an eye on Kevin. He could become useful in the long run. Neither Riko nor Kevin will recognize me, they never met me. As I am dead they won't figure out who I am until it's too late.

When Riko eventually does we can control him with Kevin, everyone knows Riko… Loves Kevin in his own special way.” Nathaniel was smiling now, if it could really be called that. It was a perfect mirror to his father's, and his mother had gone still at the sight.

“Tell uncle Stuart, Nathan says hello.” Nathanael's eyes flashed, malicious joy there and gone. “He needs to be on standby for when the time is right. Until then, he has a meeting with father in a week's time.”

His mother nodded submissively, and Nathaniel's smirk widened, almost like he was baring his teeth. He enjoyed watching her shy away from him, the monster she helped create.

She reached out to end the call but he spoke before she could.

“One last thing.” She froze deathly still, “Tell Lola she's missed.”

And he laughed chilling and cruel when he saw the look of pure disgust on his mother's face.

“Jealous? Has she been warming his bed lately? It would makes sense. She is younger, beautiful too if you're into that, and she is so much better at her job. Lola enjoys the cutting in a way you never have. A pity really, but it's about time he moved on.”

Mary ended the call before he could say any more, her face red with rage.

 

Nathaniel was so, so cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a fun chapter! No it really was not. Idk, tell me what you thought in the comments, I kept it light for as long as I could. Hey, does anyone know how I can link my tumblr accounting the notes? Cause I have one of those and... yeah. Anyway I almost cried while typing this out cause music is just so moving and I am a very emotional person who has trouble showing it irl.


	4. The monsters dorm

The monsters dorm room was not Andrew's preferred safe place, but it was good enough. The Columbia house was better, yet the places where Andrew felt safest were his car with him at the wheel, and his shop. Preferably with his family and Kevin nearby, but although most people forgot with a nickname like monster, Andrew was human and liked being alone too.

Andrew liked having a safe place, even one as shitty as the palmetto athletic dorm that belonged to his misfit family, considering that as a child he had never had a safe place. Not even his mind could be trusted back then.

Then again, neither his brother nor Kevin nor Nicky had ever had safe places either.

He would never let them be unsafe again. Which, he supposed, is how he ended up here; with his sock clad feet laying on his brother's lap, watching him playing a game and yell at some unknown online players while Kevin ranted about Neil, the team, and Exy.

Always Exy with Kevin, it made Andrew want to curl his lip in disgust, before quietly reminding himself that he was a monster that wanted nothing and was only needed to keep his family safe.

Andrew turned his attention to Nicky who had actually decided to get some work done for once, although he was stealing longing looks at his phone. Erik was supposed to call soon, it made Andrew uncomfortable thinking of Erik, the stranger neither twin had ever met, but Nicky was so in love with, and from the sounds of it, vice versa.

Andrew was bored. It was not a realization, nor uncommon for him. Ever since he'd gotten off of his mania inducing drugs he rarely felt at all, yet boredom had not gone away.

The evidence lay in the way he was feeling now, the book he was currently reading had failed to hold his attention in the slightest, Exy could never hold his attention for more than a few minutes at a time, and every now and then he contemplated not going to classes, or choosing not to speak to anyone, or not getting up in the morning.

He just lost the will to do things, anything, and he hated to admit it, but that terrified him.

He did not want to be like that, but at times when he felt the lowest, he wondered if he was made like that to serve some purpose. Then he'd remember he didn't believe in God and that he was just honestly dealt a shit hand in life.

He hated the game of life.

Fuck, he needed to get out of his own head. With that thought in mind, he swung his feet off his brothers lap, grabbed his keys, shoes, and walked out of the dorm.

Today was not one of those days, and he refused to dwell on shit that wasn't important.

 

…

 

Aaron didn't often forget that his brother was unpredictable.

How could he when things like randomly getting up and walking out of a room without a word or a reason happened on semi frequent occasions.

However, every time something like this happened, everyone was still shocked. Kevin had stopped mid rant, a rarity for him to stop talking about Exy, Aaron stared while Nicky looked about in confusion.

“Is he okay?” Nicky asked.

Kevin shrugged and looked at Aaron for an explanation. Aaron didn't know, and it was so goddamn annoying. His brother was terrible at communicating like a normal human being, although terrible was a compliment cause in reality, Andrew didn't even try.

Andrew, was also very untrusting.

He mostly trusted Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin. But he had a feeling Bee and Renee ranked first overall. Aaron didn't like or trust Renee, and he had a feeling that his brother would be dating her if not for the promise the twins made when they had first met. Andrew was deathly serious about his promises, Aaron not so much.

“I'll check.” Aaron said once he saw his character on screen had died. He grabbed his phone and put on his shoes, before walking out the wide open door, unsurprised to see Kevin following, and Nicky still in his seat staring at his phone.

The door was Andrew’s own way of communicating. Aaron supposed that if he failed at doing stuff normal, Andrew might as well create a simpler way of doing things. Well, simpler for Andrew.

The door being open was a (mostly) clear invitation to follow. Andrew wouldn't have left the door open if he didn't want them with him. So Aaron didn't bother checking the roof, Andrew didn't like them being there, and instead walked to the parking lot and climbed into the back seat of Andrews car while Kevin claimed shotgun.

Andrew raised a brow at the two of them, but otherwise said nothing, instead he put out his cigarette and dropped the remainder in his pocket, before pulling out of the lot at a speed that was more for a highway than the side streets they were on.

 

…

 

Needless to say, it did not take long to arrive at ZERO GIVEN. Aaron to this day, still questioned the choice to name the shop that, especially when they were supposed to be selling coffee and pastries, and Andrew actually did care a lot, considering it was his.

“I thought that new girl you hired was working today.”

Andrew shrugged at whatever Aaron was implying and got out of the car. Technically this was answer enough, like Aaron said, Andrew didn't trust many people, he definitely wasn't going to be any different when it came to trusting someone with his shop.

Aaron followed Andrew in, he considered waiting for Kevin, but he was too busy with his phone, and a glimpse at the screen catching the words Exy and tryouts, he knew it was going to be awhile.

He sat down at ‘his’ table, spotting his brother in time to see the new girl nod and head through the door to the back room with Andrew following closely behind. She exited before he did and walked over to Aaron.

“Thanks again, Andrew, for giving me the afternoon off! I really needed to study for my exam.”

Aaron sighed, right, she thought he was Andrew, could no one tell the difference?

“Yeah, no.” She looked so confused it was almost funny. “I'm Aaron,” Aaron explained. “Andrew’s twin.”

When she understood what he'd said she turned a bright red color. “Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!”

Aaron waved off her apology. “It's okay, that happens a lot, so no worries. At least you apologized.”

She blushed even further and Aaron couldn't help but think she's cute.

“I'm Kaitlin by the way.” She added almost like an afterthought.

Aaron smiled, something he did rarely, and it seemed to make her brighten impossibly further. “Nice to meet you. Kaitlin.”

“And you, Aaron.” She smiled and any awkward staring was interrupted by Kevin walking in and calling for Andrew, making Aaron turn his head to, out of instinct.

Kaitlin laughed at the sight and Aaron's attention was immediately turned back to her, transfixed on the cheerful sound she made. “What?” He asked, wanting to know how to make her laugh again.

“Nothing.” she replied still giggling. “Well, see you around Aaron!” Kaitlin waved as she walked out of the door, and Aaron wondered how she would affect his promise with Andrew.

He silently said sorry to his brother, but Aaron knew that he would do anything to make her happy.

 

…

 

Kevin wouldn't shut up, and his enthusiasm was disgusting Andrew.

It was another emotion, but not really a useful one. Then again, emotions in general weren't very useful. A number of wars have been started over hurt feelings and greed.

It was kind of ironic that the Trojans, the friendliest Exy team, were named after a deadly wooden horse used to trick their enemies. Maybe it made sense actually? A trap disguised as a gift... Andrew wanted to bang his head against the table, did he just willingly think about Exy?

Never mind, disgust was useful in terms of Exy… And Kevin.  
Pushing down his reluctance, Andrew turned to Kevin and tried to give a shit.

“...agreed to come tryout. The foxes have a chance to make it to finals this year. We are practicing tonight,”

Andrew cut Kevin off. “Who agreed to what?”

Kevin sighed like the drama queen he was, “Have you not been listening? Never mind, don't answer that. I was talking about Neil, Neil Josten, he signed up for tryouts.”

Andrew sighed, yeah he knew the kid. The auburn haired hater of sugar, another reason disgust was a useful emotion.

He had a feeling he was going to have a list soon of things that disgusted him.

Andrew stared blankly at Kevin before dismissing him with a wave of his hand, and then scowling at the action itself. Disgust was also useful for qualities and actions Aaron and him shared apparently.

Damn. Andrew needed some sugar. He didn't feel like dealing with this bs right now.

Kevin stalked off once he realized Andrew wasn't even going to try and pay attention to him now, leaving Andrew to make a new coffee (if it could even be called that) drink he'd been waiting to try out.

It involved a shot of expression, half a cup of milk, 3 spoonfuls of condensed milk, cinnamon, nutmeg, 5 spoonfuls of sugar, caramel topping and whipped cream with 3 candied pecans on top.

Admittedly it sounded disgusting, but it was also comforting. Not just the sugar and the warmth, the comfort was in getting to choose what he ate and how it tasted, and if he finished it or not.

It was the control and the ability to have choices. Things he never used to have, now he did. It was something he enjoyed yes, but it was also something he needed.

Control was always taken from Andrew, here it was his, and it was not something he would ever give up again. Never.

 

…

 

The day moved on, Aaron left with Kevin after an hour or so and Andrew manned the shop alone dealing with a few customers in between the long silences.

His shop was always quiet, and it would surprise people that he actually made a lot of money, enough to buy his GS within a few months of opening.

The silence usually gave Andrew time to do things he wouldn't get done with his family around (only when Andrew was alone did he admit to himself that Kevin was part of his family), but he didn't have things to do at the moment, which left Andrew alone with his mind.

Just because it was a safer place there now, it didn't mean he trusted his mind. Bee told him it was good to be alone to deal with some of his crap inside, learning to trust himself.

He didn't think it was possible, though.

Honestly, he couldn't remember a time where he trusted his mind. Fuck, his thoughts were depressing.

He let his thoughts wander instead to safer topics. His thoughts strayed from his and Renee’s latest debate topic (how the apocalypse would be started and by who) to what new sugary drink he would make next.

Eventually his thoughts drifted and settled on Neil—against his will, mind you, but once it was there, it wandered no further.

Neil was a problem.

Once he made the team, and he would make the team, Kevin guaranteed it, Neil was sure to bring problems to their already problematic team.

And though he would deny it with every ounce of his being (which admittedly wasn't a lot of ounces) Andrew was worried.

From what Kevin had gathered on Neil, both his parents were dead, and he'd been on his own until his loaded British uncle took him in. Neil had moved back recently and is here on scholarship for track.

How Kevin obtained this information, Andrew didn't know, nor did he really care.

It was useful and it gave him an insight on the mysterious Neil Josten. He was enough of a sob story that the foxes would love him, and Andrew had a feeling that once you got to know him that his past would be even worse.

Well, Andrew knew one thing about Neil Josten, he was no ordinary runner. And Andrew was intrigued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's late, yeah sorry about that. I did try to have this done on time, but my life is a disaster and I'm a very busy person. Also, I hate typing because I take forever. Anyway, thank you to Shell_Writes for being my amazing editor! This honestly wouldn't be happening with out her! I still don't know how to link things, so if you want to visit my tumblr page I am @i-care-bout-things-too . Tell me what you thought of this chapter down below, I'd love to hear it!!


	5. The beginnings of mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know it's late, but I am pretty busy, especially lately and I worked really hard on this chapter. It's a bit longer than usual, which reminds me I do have to update the tags. I will... Later. I hope you enjoy it, I should say, there are mentions of violence, and we really go deeper into Neil's personality disorder in this. None of this has been fact checked so don't quote me on accuracy. ThAnk you to everyone who has been commenting, I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply, but I love to hear what you have to say!

Matt would be lying if he said Neil was a perfectly functional normal human being.

 

He knew that wasn't true, and he knew that Neil's fucking horrible past was far more vast and terrible than Neil had actually told him. Which was okay, Neil was allowed to have secrets. But the secrets themselves were not okay and he hated whoever had caused Neil all his pain.

 

Matt wouldn't be lying if he said that on occasion Neil fucking terrified him.

 

At first, Matt hadn't really noticed the change in Neil. Sometimes Neil needed space and time to work out his problems, and when Neil needed some help or comfort he asked Matt. Neil had come that far, enough to trust him and ask for help.

 

But this, this was not that. This was something far, far worse.

 

Neil had regressed to a state before Matt’s friendship. He failed to respond to his name, and when he did the reaction was delayed, the responses cold, curt, empty. What Matt did not know, was that Neil was no longer Neil. Nathaniel had taken his place.

 

Nathaniel was many things Neil was not.

 

He was organized, cool, efficient, but he was also cruel, far past the line of vicious. He got enjoyment from taking people apart with his knives. He enjoyed the fear in their eyes, the disgust when people looked at him, trying to cover up how terrified they were of the monster that stood before them, held there only by the leash he allowed to be put on him.

 

Nathaniel was empty, that was true. Yet his other sides could not discredit him. He protected them from becoming the same monsters. He was loyal only to himselves, his one task to survive so that some part of him could be happy.

 

So Nathaniel -the original version so to speak- took every single punishment and did the dirty work. Destroying himself in the process. Ripping his very self to pieces, a choice he would make again, and again, if only so some remainder of his shredded psyche could live some semblance of a normal life—if he ever managed to get free.

 

It worked for the most part. In a strange way, the other sides reaped the benefit of Nathaniel becoming a monster, even if the cost was his never ending suffering.

 

Never had Nathaniel dreamed his suffering might end if only for a brief period of time.

 

Jean Moreau changed all that.

 

At the time Nathaniel had been living in the UK with his uncle and mother. An arrangement none of them had been comfortable with.

 

His father had sent Nathaniel to do a mission, and although it had been completed, his father had told Nathaniel to remain stationed there. Being on call meant Abram could not be with his mother and uncle and pretend to be a normal family.

 

It was a fantasy that Nathaniel found laughable - _family, could you believe it?_ \- but he restrained himself from saying anything around them that showed he could feel. Why give them false hope?

 

So he kept to himself and his rooms while waiting for his father's next call, isolation was what Nathaniel preferred anyway.

 

He didn't have to wait for long. Apparently a family owed money they didn't have to the moriyamas. It was different than Nathaniel's usual tasks. If this had happened to a different family the butcher would have been called and he, or one of his many people would take care of them.

 

No, this was a special situation.

 

The butcher wasn't supposed to have this information, this Moreau business was never supposed to have reached his father's ears. But apparently the second branch decided they wanted something else in return for the money. They wanted the son.

 

Jean Moreau was a talented backliner for his schools Exy team. One of the best, with great promise and a bright future. But that was a lie. Exy was a blood sport, with deeper ties to the mafia than maybe Nathaniel himself.

 

If only Jean hadn't played Exy then maybe he could have had a life.

 

Nathaniel sighed.

 

It was just recon. Gather as much information as he could, and see if there was something that Nathaniel could add to the ever growing pile of information Nathan had collected to take down the moriyamas and crown himself.

 

Nathaniel snorted, the top of the food chain was a dangerous place. He hoped that when Nathan succeeded in gaining the crown that his reign would be short and bloody. Hopefully because it would be Nathan’s lifeblood staining the steps of the dais.

 

Nathaniel shook off his thoughts, now was not time for him. Now was time for him to become someone else, if this one would stay, or dissolve, or meld he wouldn't know. But that didn't matter. He wasn't Nathaniel, these weren't his worries or thoughts or fears, no, he was Alex.

 

Alex, short for Alexander. He was a British French mix that displeased most people of both backgrounds. Not that that mattered. His parents had loved each other, his gorgeous French mother and handsome absolutely smitten father had met when she had traveled to Britain and had wandered into the coffee shop right down the street from his father's house. They were so in love, and then they had him and then she died when he was 9 years of age.

 

‘ _ ~~Tragic’ Nathaniel sneered, but a decent enough back story, guaranteed pity and one sure to infuriate his mother. Nathaniel grinned, cool and sharp~~. ‘You don't exist’ Alex hissed ~~Nathaniel smiled. ‘For now, but I'm much more permanent than you.’~~_

 

Alex shook his head, where was he? Right, heavy handed drunken father to explain away the scars, ‘love sick’ they said, ‘depression, it will go away don't you worry’

 

~~_Nathaniel snickered, right that's what they were calling it now, the work on his skin was a map of violence done with the utmost finesse and an intent to cause pain. No heavy handed drunk could cause damage to this extent._ ~~

 

Alex scowled, an abusive father was enough to make him runaway, all the way to his mother's favourite place in the world: Marseilles, france, home of the Moreau's.

 

Alex grinned, a foreign exchange student who was shy, but funny. He had rich dark brown hair and striking steel grey eyes. He liked Exy, and his French was one of a true native. Art was his best subject, and coincidentally one of the classes he shared with Jean Moreau, the top student in the class.

 Alex was 17, like Jean. _~~Nathaniel is 15 ‘~~ it doesn't matter, ~~’~~_ Alex never got bad grades, he was for all intents and purposes the perfect person. ‘ _ ~~Lies~~ ’ no, I'm real, shut up, shut the fuck up. ~~Nathaniel grinned, ‘Don't forget, you're built on my crumbling foundations, I can't wait to see you topple.’~~ Alex covered his ears and screamed._

 

~~~~~~~~Alex was lies that Nathaniel could make come to life. There was something so very wrong with that, he knew it deep in his bones, but what did it matter when it suited his father's purposes perfectly? Alex made a grab for the reins Nathaniel held, he let them go, this time without protest. He let Alex bury him deep until very little of Nathaniel was left in Alex except for his ringing farewell.

 

‘ ~~ _I'll be back_~~ ’ in the barest of whispers but no less a promise.

 

…

 

Alex was starting to resent Jean.

 

He'd had been here for months and Jean didn't pay him any attention at all. Who was he to think he was better than Alex? Alex had a fucking job to do and Jean was being fucking difficult.

 

He growled a bit, but looked away, at the wall, the clock, anything and anyone but Jean. If he did, Alex wasn't sure he could stop himself from committing murder. Seriously, he had learned nothing.

 

Well that wasn't exactly true. He had done some scouting and recon but that could only get him so far. His mission was Jean, and for the first time ever, it wasn't going so well.

 

Alex couldn't even give himself points for talking to Jean. All their conversations were brief and pointless. Stuff that didn't matter. Just inane chatter and comments.

 

It was always ‘my charcoal broke may I please borrow one of yours?’ Or ‘I've run out of periwinkle do you have any?’ Not to mention the numerous times Jean had insulted him! Saying things like your line art needs improvement, or telling him that the color on an animal, or a person’s hair was off. And usually, usually Alex wouldn't mind, but the bastard did it only to him, and in front of the whole class on multiple occasions.

 

The embarrassment was unbearable and Alex was beyond himself at this point.

 

In an attempt to not commit a crime that would definitely mean failing this mission and punishment if not death, Alex had moved his seat as far away from Jean as possible. Unfortunately he didn't get the hint and moved his seat next to Alex's even though it was not his usual preferred seat.

 

Alex couldn't help it, he glanced over at Jean. Jean was already staring at him. Damn.

 

Jeans brow furrowed and he frowned at Alex who had done absolutely nothing wrong. Well getting caught staring would be considered wrong in his father's book. The last time that happened, Alex shuddered at the thought.

 

“What?” He asked irritably, if Jean caused him to fail his mission killing him seemed fair. Or at least some scars to match the ones he was sure to get.

 

Jean shook his head at Alex, “You should be paying attention.”

 

Alex felt his pencil snap in his grasp as his fair skin flushed, cheeks and ears turning red from all the blood rushing, so deafening he couldn't hear anything except for the whine of voices telling Alex to _hurt_ Jean.

 

_Fuck_ , Alex cursed. He was crumbling bit by bit, Nathaniel prepared to take over for when Alex would fall apart. The pressure was making him degrade quicker then other sides had ever.

 

Alex stood abruptly, knocking over his chair which startled the nearby students and halting the teacher mid lecture.

 

She looked at him as if expecting him to say something, but Alex couldn't articulate a response in any language and rushed out of the classroom to the shock of the surrounding students.

 

…

 

“Neil?”

 

Nathaniel slowly roused from his memories, becoming more aware of his surroundings once again, much to his displeasure. The big friendly giant watched him with concern and well hidden fear.

 

He wondered casually how he would feel if he learned for the past week he'd been living with a murderer, a monster. Someone so insane it would be better fit to have him be put down like the dog he was treated as, than to an insane asylum like a person.

 

‘Go away,’ he wanted to say. Nathaniel did not like the annoyance that was Neil's roommate. He just wanted the bfg to leave him alone so he could remember his brief life in peace. Was that too much to ask?

 

Neil had a life unlike Nathaniel. Nathaniel was dead. But sometimes, times like these, he could take possession of their body and be _something_.

 

A wraith in his own body.

 

It would be amusing if Nathaniel could remember what that felt like truly. To be amused by something that wasn't pain.

 

Bfg was still standing in front of him. He said Neil again and Nathaniel wanted to scream.

 

‘ _Go away, go away, of away. I'm not Neil, I don't want to be here. Go away!’_ He did not say that. Bfg didn't go away.

 

Nathaniel considered, it was him in control right now, he could leave. Not permanently, Neil had a mission of his own to complete, but he could leave.

 

The urge won over.

 

Nathaniel didn't want to be in this place, so he left. Bfg called after him, but _Neil_ was not his name.

 

He ran. It was not something he had previously enjoyed doing, but he could see why Neil enjoyed it. It was freeing in a way.

 

Nathaniel ran for miles, so far that his thighs ached, and the bottom of his feet throbbed do in time with his heart. His breath was coming in short frantic gasps and he struggled to take in enough air.

 

Nathaniel rolled his shoulders and let his head hang, relishing the pain he felt, physical, but not caused by any weapon.

 

Distantly he could hear his thoughts, telling him he was having a breakdown. He wasn't alarmed at all.

 

It wasn't his first time, and he was never sure if it would be his last. That didn't bother him, he could feel his control slipping, and he collapsed to the ground letting his memories consume him.

 

…

 

“Alex!” Jean called, “Alex wait!”

 

Alex kept running, Jean didn't give up pursuit. Why was he following him? He didn't want him here, it wasn't safe.

 

Alex whined, a pitiful sound, and covered his face with his hands. He couldn't hide, so instead he sat, curling around himself, “why are you here?” He ~~growled~~ asked Jean.

 

Jean hesitated, steps stuttering to a stop before continuing to Alex's curled up form beneath the Exy stands, Jean had to duck to avoid hitting his head against them.

 

“I am here,” said Jean, “because whatever is happening,” he waved at how Alex had turned himself into a little ball, “is my fault.”

 

Alex stared at Jean uncomprehendingly.

 

“That doesn't make sense. Why did you come? You made me feel bad, big deal. People hurt each other all the time, this is nothing in comparison.”

 

Jean regarded Alex sadly. He'd seen some of the scars, he was sure everyone had, but his pity made Alex defensive and angrier than he already was.

 

“I hurt you Alex, although it was accidental, i did and that sucks. I don't want you to feel that way.” Alex was dumbfounded.

 

Jean hadn't mean to hurt him? That didn't make sense, why make fun of him then, why embarrass him repeatedly? The worst part of it was that Jean sounded genuine, and if it was genuine, then he was also the only person who hadn't meant to hurt Alex.

 

It was a weird feeling, the one that appeared in his stomach.

 

“Why then?” Alex asked, he felt so small for some reason.

 

Jean looked around, grasping for something to say. His damn facial expressions were so earnest and open, he needed to learn to mask them, for some reason the feeling in Alex's stomach didn't want Jean to get hurt or taken advantage of.

 

It was confusing so he pushed it down and ignored it.

 

“You call me out in front of everyone, and you've insulted my work multiple times. You do it only to me, I know because one of those girls Alice, or Allison, the blond rich one told me you never bother with the other students. So what did I do to deserve this?” Alex took a breath to stop himself from crying, although he could still feel the burn of the tears he refused to let fall.

 

Jean looked pained, and Alex gained no pleasure from it. He wondered if he was farther away from crumbling than he thought. Less like Nathaniel than he thought, it would be a relief if that were true. Alex shifted over just a bit, and Jean saw the invitation to sit and accepted it.

 

He pulled one knee to his chest and hugged it, while stretching the other out. It wasn't the first time that Alex remarked how fucking tall Jean was. Especially when compared to Alex's own 4 foot 11 height.

 

“You're too tall.” Alex informed Jean.

 

Jean startled out of his thoughts at the random topic change. “What?”

 

Alex shrugged. “You're too tall. It's weird.”

 

Jean gaped at him, “I'm not too tall! You're too short!”

 

Alex sighed shaking his head. “There you go insulting me again.”

 

Jean sputtered in shock while Alex laughed.

 

He supposed it was cruel, but Alex didn't really care. It was funny and it made him feel better… And admittedly he couldn't help himself, a joke like that would have gotten him punished painfully if someone _unsavoury_ had heard, but here it was safe to be himself. Or a version of himself at least.

 

“I'm sorry.” Jean told him.

 

Alex just shrugged faking nonchalance. In reality he was speechless. He wondered what Jean would think if he knew he was the only person to have ever said that to him.

 

Absently, Alex wondered if Jean knew his parents were going to sell him, he wondered if Jean would be okay with it, accepting, or if he would try to fight.

 

The thought hurt the weird feeling in Alex's stomach. _Did he not want Jean to get hurt?_

 

Alex shook his head a bit to clear it. Jean confused him, he didn't understand Jean, but he wanted too.

 

_No, not want. Jean is a job, forget whatever is happening. Get closer because you need to, not because you want to._

 

When the silence began to stretch Jean spoke again. “I hadn't meant any of those comments in that way. I didn't anticipate your reaction to how I was treating you. I apologize.”

 

Alex nodded slightly, and let the silence fall again as he considered what Jean said. “How did you mean the comments to sound then?”

 

Jean blanched. “I was-I was trying to hit on you.”

 

Alex was floored. Why would anyone hit on him? _Him_ , of all people. He had seen his scars right?

 

“Why?” He asked incredulously.

 

Jean choked on his despair. This conversation had taken a turn, for the worse in his opinion. The question could have been cruel, if it was anyone else it would have been, but Jean had seen the honest bewilderment that made his heart ache.

 

It was a mirror to the confusion that had appeared when Jean had told Alex he had come to apologize.

 

Jean knew Alex wasn't as perfect as he seemed, but he never had thought he was so broken. His heart ached more when he realized he had hurt Alex, albeit accidentally, he had caused pain to someone who didn't seem to know anything other than that. He had hurt someone who knew what it is like to be hurt by the people who were supposed to love you most.

 

Alex was looking at him, his innocence clear on display. It made Jean want to smile, to cringe, to cry, to hurt whoever had hurt Alex this badly.

 

“I like you Alex. I like how smart you are, and how confident you can be. I like when you're shy, and when you blush, although I know even when you're shy you still have some witty remark. I like when your hair falls into your eyes because it's so messy and unkempt. I love the expressions you make, and how your eyes show so much and still makes me want to know more. I want to hear what you have to say, what you're thinking and how you feel, and what you like and dislike. I don't know, I don't know _why_ , but I like you Alex.”

 

Alex had flushed from the tip of his ears down to his toes, he was sure that he was bright red, and it was so annoying that his body could betray him like this. But he supposed it was fair when Jean was in much the same state.

 

His confession hung in the air and Alex couldn't even think of his mission.

 

“I hate you.” Alex muttered.

 

Jean’s heart fell, but Alex grabbed his hand before he could leave, entwining their fingers and pulling Jean closer.

 

“You're mine now.” Alex's voice told Jean to stay but his hand loosened in case Jean wanted to pull away. Jean tightened his grip instead, holding fast to Alex’s hand and whatever unspoken agreement they'd just made.

 

Even though neither boy could really tell you what happened, they were both much happier than they'd ever been.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you liked it? Tell me what you thought in the comments, and any predictions you might have! Thank you to my amazing editor Shell_Writes without her this would be impossible! Does anyone have any good song or book recommendations? I'm open to anything and if you want to visit my tumblr account I'm @i-care-bout-things-too !!


	6. Tryouts and past events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's really late, and I suck, I know. Life has been really busy lately but here is the next chapter? It's pretty long so I hope this can tide everyone over until next update. I have to thank my amazing editor Shell_Writes , srsly bless her she is awesome. Anyway enjoy the chapter?

Dan sighed, cursing the monsters under her breath.

 

They had been more tolerable than usual lately. Andrew was actually putting some effort into practices which was more than he ever did. Aaron seemed to be following his brother’s example and was being more cooperative with the upperclassmen. Nicky had even played better which was a surprise to everyone, including himself it seemed.

 

Even Kevin, the horrible coach he was, had made improvements. He was still, trying to run them into the ground, losing the playoffs first round had really hit him hard even if he had only been coaching for a few months and was honestly shit at it—just because he could play doesn't mean he could coach. Even Kevin had gotten a little better at coaching.

 

Dan had hoped that maybe, _maybe_ they were improving as a team, but inside she _knew_.

 

She knew that something was the cause of this change. She knew it was going to explode in their faces eventually. What she hadn't known was that Neil was the cause of their change. Her sweet innocent baby boy Neil.

 

“Suck on that, you dick!”

 

Dan sighed, well maybe not so sweet and innocent, but still, she hadn't predicted this.

 

...

 

 

**EARLIER TODAY**

 

Neil looked up at the stadium building. The paint was garishly bright orange and white. It was so blinding that he was sure you could see it from miles away.

 

Matt was looking at it too. Sure, they'd been in the building a thousand times before, but that was to support Dan, Allison, Seth and Renee. This was different, they were trying out for a college league Exy team.

 

It meant so much more to Neil.

 

He couldn't dwell on that for long though because Matt was grabbing their stuff and Neil knew it was time to begin.

 

Matt was still worried about Neil, as was Dan, but he had shrugged them off saying he was _fine_ and he was still going to try out because _nothing_ was wrong. He acted like he hadn't had a complete personality switch for a week before going back to normal.

 

They didn't know the half of it.

 

Neil shook his head and followed Matt to the front doors. Walking in was nerve racking, but seeing the court before him, knowing that soon he would be on it and playing for a spot on the team only made him more alive. Exy was what Neil loved, more than the freedom of running.

 

They didn't have to wait long for everyone to arrive, nor did they make an impressive bunch.

 

Out of everyone on the team only 7 had been left for the next year: Andrew, Aaron, Nicky, Renee, Allison, Dan, and Seth. Everyone else had graduated. There was even less people trying out, including Neil, Matt, one girl, and the three others were guys. Even with all these people they weren't half the size of a normal Exy team.

 

Palmetto was known for having a small team. But even more known of them was the fact that the team was made out of people who needed another chance. Be it a second chance, or a seventh, Wymack, coach of the PSU foxes, gave it to them in hopes of improving their futures. In theory it was a good idea, in reality, not so much

 

Wymack was actually the last to arrive, with Kevin following at his heel, although he quickly moved away and took a spot next to Andrew who payed him no mind.

 

“Okay everyone gather around. I'm saying this once only so shut up and pay attention.”

 

Wymacks voice was loud and demanding. It suited him, with his imposing figure—as large as Neil's father, but Neil could tell that he was kinder and more weathered.

 

He didn't really look like a coach, not with the tribal tattoos, but he supposed looks could be deceiving. Scratch that, he _knew_ that looks were deceiving. Neil himself had proved that many times before.

 

“This will be the only tryout we have, if you make it onto the team, it's because I chose you, final decision is mine alone. If you're here it means you were pre approved and fit the teams profile. Even though much of the team graduated or dropped out this year, we are filling the required spots, there is no guarantee more than that many people will become foxes.”

 

As Wymack talked, everyone trying out listened with rapt attention, while the foxes fucked around.

 

Andrew had pulled out a knife from god knows where and was twirling it idly between his fingers. Kevin had one earbud in the ear opposite of Andrew, probably to be able to hear whatever inane comments Andrew had every now and then while simultaneously watching old clips of Exy games.

 

Aaron was texting and Nicky was chatting with Allison, Renee and Seth. From where Dan was standing next to coach, she could hear bets already being made.

 

“Okay, Dan, why don't you take over?”

 

Dan turned her attention back to the recruits.

 

“Okay, everyone, I'm Danielle wilds, you make this team and you can call me Dan, until then you will call me captain because that's what I am. At the moment we have no vice, but we do have Kevin day as our assistant coach.”

 

At this everyone turned to stare at Kevin, before noticing Andrew, or more importantly his knives (he was now holding two, neither were the same as the one he had been previously playing with), the recruits all shied away, even Matt, who was used to Andrews antics.

 

Only Neil and the girl recruit remained unflinching.

 

Andrew payed no attention to the girl, she wasn't interesting. More importantly she wasn't Neil. Neil was the enigma, one Andrew was determined to solve.

 

Looking Andrew directly in the eyes, Neil grinned at him. It was fucking playful, an open invitation, he knew the threat Andrew posed, and he welcomed the challenge.

 

The animosity radiating off Andrew became almost tangible, and he could feel Renee staring at him curiously.

 

He wanted to tell her to fuck off, just like he wanted to tell the emotions do the same.

 

Turning his attention away from Neil, Andrew knew today he was going to make sure _no one_ scored.

 

…

 

Practice with the foxes was always a chaotic ordeal.

 

They started with stretching, laps and basic drills, before moving on to the harder stuff that required teamwork.

 

Teamwork and the foxes had never met before, that much was obvious. Tryouts made it even clearer that the foxes could barely even stand each other, let alone work together.

 

People were shouting at each other, balls were flying everywhere, every shot on Andrew got reflected and ended up hitting whoever was nearest to him in the shins, and multiple people were ready to start throwing punches.

 

Kevin was trying to do... _something_ , but even he had seen the wisdom of getting off the court as fast as he fucking could.

 

Kevin couldn't play yet. He had his night practices with Andrew, but he wouldn't step onto the court with the team until the foxes came back from summer break, which meant right now he still had to pretend to be a coach, he hated it more than the foxes did.

 

At least he could call scrimmage and stop this disgrace.

 

He was definitely going to get wasted tonight.

 

Splitting the foxes up was difficult. No one was going to work very well together (understatement), and most of the trainees were useless, and some had an unfair advantage of already being friendly with each other.

 

The teams ended up like this. On one, was Andrew, Dan, Aaron, and 3 of the trainees. On the other was Allison, Renee, Seth, Nicky, Matt, Neil, and one other trainee that Kevin had already forgotten about.

 

Surprisingly, it started out okay. Unsurprisingly it did not stay that way. It was an all out shit show by the 8 minute mark.

 

Nicky had gone down with a ball to the back of the knee, and a check from Matt had taken out a random from the other ‘team’.

 

Of all the people trying out, only Janie had been able to score on Renee, and no one had even had a chance of scoring on Andrew. He was being pissy, and not a single shot from even the foxes had made it closer than a foot away from the net.

 

It was safe to say Neil was at his limit. And there was _no fucking way_ he was not making it on to the team, so he did something drastically stupid.

 

He called up Nathaniel.

 

Nathaniel was still very close to the surface, Neil hadn't had the time to bury him after he had lost control to him. It was alarming in a sense, but he didn't have time for that right now.

 

Neil controlled how much Nathaniel could merge, letting only the part of him that breathed Exy merge into himself. It was a fucking horrible decision, but it was a good one as well.

 

With Nathaniel's knowledge Neil could see his chance not soon after, calling for Matt to send him the ball, he ran down the court, catching the ball without stopping. He passed it to Seth who was further up, ducked around Aaron and caught the pass back to him all in one stride.

 

He took his steps, counting all the way, 3, aim, 4, pull back, 5, swing.

 

The shot went wide, Andrews guard went down as Nathaniel expected, and he had no problem catching the ball when it rebounded off the boards and sending it to the top corner of the net.

 

He could see Andrews eyes widen as he realized what was happening, but he couldn't get it in time. Andrews racquet missed the ball by a hair.

 

Neil had scored.

 

The shocked silence broke when Neil turned to Andrew righteous with anger.

 

“Suck on that, you dick!”

 

Hell broke loose.

 

…

 

It had been hours since tryouts and Andrew looked no less murdery.

 

He couldn't explain what happened, or how much he wanted to hurt something. The urge wasn't pleasant, and he had to leave his family before he did something stupid. Stupider at least.

 

He had already made things tense between him and Kevin when he had agreed to kiss him those few months ago.

 

He should have told Kevin to fuck off and explore his sexuality with someone who could give a shit.

 

He didn't though, and fuck he hadn't seen a reason to regret it at the time. Kevin had listened well enough, but he was broken inside, not as fucked as Andrew, but broken. It was obvious when Andrew showed no emotion that it pissed Kevin off.

 

Things didn't last long after that.

 

Andrew lit another cigarette, unsure now how many he'd already gone through. He wondered what it would be like to kiss Neil, not that he should.

 

Neil was probably more fucked than Andrew and Kevin combined, which Andrew knew _very well_ now.

 

He would be concerned about being scored on, he was sure Kevin was going to use it as an excuse to make him train harder.

 

But now that he had time to finally think about it, Andrew was more concerned about Neil having a split personality disorder. Or whatever the fuck that was.

 

…

 

**A FEW DAYS BEFORE**

 

“Andrewwww, where are you going now?” Nicky whined when Andrew had gotten up in the middle of some shit movie.

 

“Out,” he said blankly.

 

“Want someone to come with you?” Aaron asked already preparing to get up.

 

Andrew shook his head, “I'm fine.”

 

Aaron nodded, trusting Andrew on his word but didn't turn back to the movie. Kevin hadn't even looked up from his tablet, he was watching Ravens games again. Andrew sighed knowing what he would have to deal with when he came back.

 

It might have been cruel to leave Kevin alone with his trauma, but Andrew had his own and he hadn't been able to deal with them at the moment. Driving was his stress relief when it was too late for the shop to be open, not that he hadn't considered opening it up again for the night.

 

But he didn't want to deal with people, especially not strangers.

 

With no destination in mind and a tank full of gas, Andrew wondered how far he could get. He'd done it before, had gotten stranded in the middle of nowhere on multiple occasions, he once ended up drag racing in some shitty town a bit over 5 hours away against some teenagers in a white Mitsubishi and a BMW.

 

He didn't think he'd go that far today, but it was tempting.

 

When he had been driving for a bit over an hour, taking side streets, and main roads, driving in circles, and getting lost in his thoughts, he decided to start slowly driving back.

 

About 11 miles away from palmetto is when he spotted the curled up form on the side of the street.

 

At first he thought it was a homeless person, although that seemed unlikely as this was a pretty much barren street and couldn't provide cover from any of the elements. As he got closer, his headlights swept over him and Andrew saw a familiar flash of auburn hair.

 

What the fuck was Neil doing 11 miles away from palmetto on an empty street with no one around?

 

Putting his car in park he opened his door and walked around to where Neil sat. Andrew approached slowly, unnerved by his silence and complete lack of movement.

 

“Hey.” No response

 

“Idiot.” Nothing

 

“Neil.”

 

He could see the flinch that shook him, making Neil look tense where before he'd looked like a puppet with its strings cut.

 

“Neil?”

 

Neil stilled impossibly further but eventually shook his head.

 

“No.” Andrew could barely hear the word.

 

“Not Neil?” He guessed.

 

Not-Neil nodded.

 

What the fuck was going on?

 

“Why are you here?” He asked instead.

 

Not-Neil said nothing.

 

“Your name?”

 

Not-Neil finally looked up at Andrew, he looked shocked. Maybe he'd never been asked before.

 

Andrew frowned, both at the thought and the haunted blank look in not-Neil's eyes.

 

“Nathaniel,” he whispered, it was chilling how detached Nathaniel looked. He seemed to stare _through_ Andrew, while also being able to stare into Andrews very self.

 

Sighing in frustration at his own melodramatic thoughts (it appeared that Nicky was starting to rub off on him), Andrew turned around and stomped back to the drivers side of the car.

 

“Get in,” he growled at Nathaniel before slamming his door closed.

 

Nathaniel got in in a hurry.

 

“Where are we going?” He asked. His voice seemed so much louder in the still silence of Andrews car. He wasn't happy with the idiot for ruining his peace of mind. He'd been prepping for Kevin's problems not this bullshit.

 

“I hate you,” he informed Nathaniel.

 

Nathaniel nodded seeming more relaxed the longer he sat in the car. “That's fine,” he said.

 

“Back to the dorms?” Andrew asked him.

 

Nathaniel shook his head mutely looking displeased at even the mention of going back.

 

Andrew nodded and drove in silence.

 

It looked like he was going to his shop anyway tonight, although he doubted many people were going to be out at 1:27 am, looking for a caffeine fix. Then again his impromptu openings always seemed to do well on nights like these.

 

They arrived shortly having already been part of the way there, Nathaniel looked at the shop with clouded recognition and followed after Andrew inside the building.

 

It was cool inside, much nicer than the night’s humidity, but Nathaniel shivered making Andrew raise a brow at that.

 

“How come you were so far away from palmetto?”

 

Nathaniel looked at him and shrugged. “I ran.”

 

Andrew stared at the moron, “You ran 11 miles. Of course, you did. Because that's normal.”

 

Nathaniel looked at him in confusion. “Isn't it though?”

 

Andrew sighed. Why was he always surrounded by fucked up idiots?

 

“No. It is not normal for people to run 11 miles. Now why did you run in the first place?”

 

Nathaniel shook his head. “You answer something too.”

 

Andrew considered, then nodded. “Ask your question then.”

 

Nathaniel thought for a moment. “How did you get your shop?”

 

Andrew looked over Nathaniel, he wondered if he should tell the uncut version, or the one that would have a better person calling the cops to have Andrew arrested.

 

Andrew didn't think Nathaniel was a better person.

 

“My twin’s mother was an abusive person. She hit her son, and forced drugs on him. I made a deal with him, if he would stay by my side, I would always protect him, no matter what it cost, or what I had to do. His mother passed away a few months later in a car accident.”

 

“You killed her,” Nathaniel whispered.

 

Andrew didn't say a anything but his shark like grin was a reply itself.

 

“The old bag had a lot of insurance money, enough for me to buy the shop, it helps that the three of us are here on scholarships.”

 

Nathaniel nodded, undisturbed at all by anything they'd just said.

 

“You're turn.” Andrew reminded him.

 

He sighed, looking pensive. “I am not Neil. Although he is part of me, as I am part of him.” He stopped, unsure of how to explain this, Andrew just waited, a solid presence beside Nathaniel.

 

“In a book I once read, this boy had a coat. The coat was reversible, but it had many different sides. 3 main ones to suit the purposes he needed most, and every now and then a new side would pop up when needed it for different tasks. All the time he got new ones, and sometimes old ones disappeared, or were lost in the coat, sometimes new sides appeared for one use only. I suppose you could say I am like a side to that coat.”

 

Andrew said nothing still. More perplexed by him now more than ever, more wary as well.

 

“But unlike coats, I have... _emotions_.” He seemed disgusted by that word but moved on quickly, “I don't always like being a side in a coat, so it's hard when accidents like these happen. I didn't take it well, Neil's life is a good one, but it’s not mine. I can't even ever go back to mine. It was too much today. I ran.”

 

He stopped there, and so did the talking.

 

Only did they move again when a customer walked in. They ran the shop together all through the night.

 

The silence prevailed to sun up, and Nathaniel spoke his last words to him before walking out the door.

 

“Goodbye Andrew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So can anybody guess what book Nathaniel was comparing his disorder to? Anyway, thanks for reading and I'm always really thankful to everyone who writes a comment. I love to hear what you guys think, and I'll try to answer if you write one but I don't know what has happened to me, so if I don't sorry I guess? Anyone with some good not extremely known song recommendations? Anyway if you want hit me up at my tumblr I'm @I-care-bout-things-too


	7. Keys and Monsters

One month of summer break was allotted to palmettos Exy team by their wonderful coach Wymack. It was more than other teams got, but it was too much time for Neil.

Shortly after receiving the news about making it on to the team (along with Matt and that girl Janie Smalls), they'd been busy with exams and closing up dorms. Matt and Dan insisted they celebrate, which involved inviting Allison, Renee, and Seth, to go out and party. Neil didn't enjoy going out, but he would miss his friends even if he refused to admit it.

After that everyone Neil knew packed up their bags and headed home. Matt offered to have Neil come over and spend summer with him, and under any other circumstance Neil would have said yes, if Neil actually had Neil's life he would have said yes, but Neil belonged to his father and he couldn't waste a month like that.

So instead he stood in the airport waiting for Matt's flight to arrive and take away any semblance of normalcy in Neil's life. The second Matt left, so would Neil.

“You sure you don't want to come buddy? I mean you don't even need luggage! Just hop on the plane with me and you can use some of my clothes. We have a guest bedroom and I'm sure you'd love New York. My mother's been dying to meet you, I swear she thinks we're dating, with how much I talk about you and all.”

Neil sighed, Matt was too kind for his own good. “I can't Matt, not just because your clothes wouldn't fit me, although that is a reason.” He paused looking at Matt's 6 foot something height and boxers build, compared to his own 5’3 runners body. “Don't worry Matt, I'll be here in one piece when you get back. And doesn't your mom know you're dating Dan?”

Matt frowned down at him—technically, everything Matt said or did to Neil was down, even Matt's high fives had to be lowered to a reachable height for him. “Fine, but don't think I'm happy about you being alone like this. And yes mom does know I'm dating Dan, she just thinks I'm dating you as well.”

With that Matt swept Neil up in a hug (similar to the one he'd given Dan actually…) before getting in line and waving Neil goodbye.

…

Wymack had sent out an email to all the foxes staying in palmetto to arrive at his apartment 8am Saturday morning to pick up their keys. _Their keys_. Keys to The Foxhole Court. It was one of the best things Neil had ever heard. Not that he had ever heard many great things.

He ran there, appreciating the stretch more than the actual run. It wasn't long enough to be enjoyable. He didn't think running could lose so much value by playing Exy just once, yet it had. Before he knew it Neil had arrived at the apartment, barely sweating, not even breathing hard.

_Fuck_ , If Neil wasn't dead before this time next year, he might just have to kill himself.

He got in to the apartment building with no problem. The problem however was at Wymack's front door.

“Andrew you can't just break in to his house!” Neil flinched at the squeaky whine in Nicky's voice.

Andrew shrugged, “He knew we were coming. His door should have been open.”

Nicky pouted dramatically until he noticed Neil off to the side frozen like a deer in headlights.

“Neil!” The squeal seemed to be a permanent fixture in his voice.

Neil had been avoiding them—Andrew in particular—because of tryouts and the _Nathaniel incident_. It was actually pretty hard, before he had only seen him once or twice around the athletes dorm, now he was _everywhere_. It fucking annoyed Neil but he couldn't really _do_ anything about it.

Avoiding him and the rest of the group had seemed like the best thing to do.

“Um, hi?” Neil winced slightly at himself before approaching them slowly.

Kevin was staring straight at Neil, as was Nicky, even Andrew had spared him a glance before going back to… was he using a lock pick? He was using a fucking set of lock picks to break into Wymack's apartment. Only Aaron was ignoring Neil, but that's because he was paying attention to Andrew who seemed to be showing him how to use the lock picks.

What the fuck?

“Couldn't you just knock?” He asked standing a good 3 feet away from the lot of them.

“Now what would be the fun of that?” Nicky replied, apparently now on board with the breaking and entering.

The few seconds it took Neil to even think of responding the lock clicked and the door was open. Neil considered telling Wymack to get a deadbolt, but he had a feeling that Andrew wouldn't be happy about that, even if Neil was sure he'd still manage to find a way to break in.

Nicky grabbed Neil's arm and pulled him inside, into a living room along with the rest of them before shutting the door and leaning against it. Nicky had unwittingly blocked his best escape route. Shit.

“So Neil, not visiting your family for the summer?” Before he could even answer he could hear Kevin snort at Nicky's question.

“He doesn't have any family left Nicky, just an uncle right? Doesn't matter,” He waved a hand dismissively, the haughty air around him made Neil feel like hitting the douche bag. “Exy is more important.” He finished. Neil reconsidered hitting him.

While he did that, Andrew walked in, Aaron behind him, both carrying various bottles of alcohol.

“Exy is always more important to you.” Andrew informed Kevin, apathetic expression not even changing even though Neil could tell he was being a dick on purpose.

The energy in the room turned vicious, Kevin looked torn between replying or something slightly more violent, and Neil wondered if he'd be covering up a murder today. It wouldn't be the first murder he had to clean up unexpectedly.

However, Aaron cut it without even realizing there was something wrong in the first place, “so we have vodka, whiskey, scotch, or rum. What do you guys want?”

Nicky perked up. “I call vodka! I want to make some drinks tonight!”

Aaron nodded and handed over the bottle to Andrew, and left again, presumably to put the rest back.

The apartment door opened at that exact moment and Neil watched the bottle disappear before his eyes. He turned to see Wymack standing there scowling at the them.

“Again? What have I fucking told you about breaking into my house? Minyard!”

Andrew looked up at Wymack disinterestedly. “Yes _coach_?”

“Hands where I can see ‘em!”

Andrew raised his hands, both were empty.

“Where's Aaron?” He asked.

Aaron chose then to step back into the room. “Right here coach, didn't think you'd mind if I washed my hands.”

Wymack was still scowling and Neil was taking more and more steps away, to the window, where hopefully he'd survive the jump when he decided to escape this clusterfuck.

Wymack eyed them suspiciously, mostly Andrew who wasn't nearly as innocent as he looked (being 5 feet tall made it really easy to appear harmless), not that Neil was going to say anything.

  
Turning to Kevin, Wymack chucked a set of keys at him. “The new keys to the court. All the locks are changed because we didn't want a repeat of the last… Incident.”

Kevin nodded, but said nothing, making Neil wonder what had happened for them to change the locks to the court. However all thoughts of this disappeared when Wymack then directed his attention to Neil. “Here are your keys to the court, use them or return them, I don't care. The rest of you get out, I need to speak to Neil.”

Andrew, Aaron, Nicky and Kevin filed out into the hallway, Wymack waited until they got into the elevator and its doors closed before turning back to Neil. He left the door open to the hallway and moved away from it, giving Neil a clear exit.

He decided that Wymack wasn't so bad, especially if he could already tell how Neil felt about the situation.

“So you wanted to remain anonymous for as long as possible right?”

Oh, this. Neil nodded.

“Feel like telling me why?”

Neil shook his head and Wymack sighed.

“I'll do what I can, but you do know we'll have to announce you eventually.”

“I understand.”

“And you'll be staying with me for the summer, right? I don't have a guest room, but I've got the couch, and since I see you don't have your stuff with you, I'm assuming you're going to go get it?”

Again, Neil just nodded, which he could tell was starting to aggravate Wymack, but Neil wasn't exactly the most comfortable even with the door wide open, he was still itching to escape. It raised the question of how Neil was going to be okay living here, but he didn't really have many other options.

“Thank you,” he said belatedly.

Wymack waved a hand. “Okay, dismissed. I'd like to spend my last Saturday without any of you in peace.”

…

Neil was avoiding Andrew, and it was really pissing him off. It wasn't evident on his face or the way he held himself, but you could see glimpses, split seconds of rage that would flash in and out of his eyes, the slightest tensing of his muscles when someone mentioned Neil.

If Andrew didn't already hate Neil before, he did now. No one should have been able to make him _feel_ _this much_.

“Andrew, coach told us to leave, I don't think he wants us waiting to corner Neil in an elevator.”

Andrew considered one of the smaller knives he usually kept in his armbands. N.S was carved artfully into the grip, it amused him that Renee hadn't lost her flare for dramatics. It wasn't something many people knew she had, and although he didn't want to, he couldn't help but feel pleased that she trusted him enough to show him.

“What did you say Nicky?” He asked holding the knife closer to his own face (he fucking forgot his contacts today, but Nicky didn't need to know that) to see the nicks along the blade.

Nicky audibly gulped. “Nothing, never mind, I'm just going to stand on this side of the elevator…” which was coincidentally as far from Andrew as he could get.

The elevator stopped on Wymack's floor, and Andrew leaned on the doors to stop it from closing, Neil walked out of the apartment not long after, and the second he spotted Andrew, he knew that Neil was prepared to take flight, well if he wasn't a rabbit that is.

“Hello runaway, care to join us?” The mocking lilt in his voice was completely at odds with his expressionless face.

Neil looked angry, it was there and gone, but the fact that it was there in the first place is what made Andrew stare, but the anger had been well masked or pushed away before he could see more.

Neil shrugged, all loose limbs, looking like he couldn't care more. A lying rabbit, one well trained unfortunately.

Andrew didn't bother waiting for Neil to step in, just turned around and settled in between Kevin and his brother. He knew Neil would follow, broken things always did.

The doors closed behind Neil, and he, in turn, leaned against them. When Andrew moved forward, Neil seemed to realize he had unintentionally cornered himself, his face speaking louder than any words possibly could.

They stood very close to each other for a few tense moments, Andrew's face literally inches away from Neil's, he was so close they were almost touching, less than a half foot between them.

Looking into Andrew's unreadable amber eyes, Neil's breathing was doing funny things. He hoped Andrew couldn't tell.

“We aren't allowed to break you yet Neil. Abby threatened to take away court privileges if we did before summers end, we can't have that you see, Kevin needs the court to survive, it's so sad to see the giant idiot turn into a blubbering mess. We don't want him to cry do we?”

Andrew's grin said otherwise, but that could possibly be because he just wanted something to amuse him. “Don't worry Neil, we'll have a welcoming party you won't remember once all the other bleeding hearts return.”

At Neil's confused expression Andrew removed his mask of fake emotion and let Neil look, he wondered if Neil could see what he thought. He wondered if Neil could see this was all a little show he put on for the others because they expected it from him.

Why bother playing anything other than what was expected of you? The world had decided long before that he was a monster, and Andrew had learned that fear could be used as protection.

On second thought, Neil was too dumb to see any of that.

Still, Andrew leaned in even closer, making Neil try to press further into the elevator doors to no avail. “And Neil,” he whispered, so close that his lips were almost pressed to Neil's ear, the warmth from him making Neil shudder. “I know you're avoiding me, but just know that you can't forever.”

He rocked back on his heels, pulling far enough away to show that his fake manic expression was back in place. He laughed when the doors opened and Neil stumbled back, miraculously keeping his balance.

Andrew didn't hesitate in walking past him, neither did Aaron or Kevin, but Nicky stopped beside the still stunned Neil, wincing sympathetically.

“Don't worry. For now you're good, he won't try anything yet. You don't have a reason to trust me, hell you probably don't even like me in any way, but just know, I'm not like that. None of us are, but we do what we must, y’know?”

Neil didn't say anything, but he stared at Nicky in a new light.

“Anyway, you ready?” He asked.

Neil almost laughed, no one could be ready for what was to come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's really late, I know that and I'm sorry. I had gone on vacation but really this is mostly due to writers block, hopefully I can get the next chapter up sooner, but no guarantees, thank you tho to everyone who comments and reads, those kudos and comments really motivate me and I can't thank you enough. And as always Thank you to my awesome editor and friend Shell_Writes !! 
> 
> I'm @i-care-bout-things-too on tumblr so head over there if you want to chat. Just a random question, is anyone else still wrecked from season 7 of Voltron? Cause I sure am omg. Hope you liked the chapter!!


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